Finals

Last day at the old desk. The ride has been a brief and hairied one.

The Professional stopped calling a few weeks ago. Which both Nicole and I found troublesome. Hopefully she made the move to Califronia she had been talking about.

My direct boss (we'll call her Secretariat, because she's one hell of a work horse) is being moved to the front desk. But she's keeping most of her responsibilities. Which is bullshit. She's been here over a decade.

Ending the year and ending the job seem coalesce nicely, for some reason. A very clean break with a year that, for me at least, was pretty terrible.

About a week or two after the layoff, I was offered another job at the station. But in speaking with HR today in turns out my transfer is not yet approved. My keys must be returned.

If anything happens, I'll let you know. Until then adieu, adieu. Remember me.


GHOST
... Fare thee well at once.
The glow-worm shows the matin to be near
And 'gins to pale his ineffectual fire.
Adieu, adieu, adieu! Remember me.

Hamlet I.v

NYE

All week (actually maybe the last 10 days) I've been getting calls from prizewinners asking about our new years eve hours so they can claim their prize.

Total prizewinners in today:

2

New Program Director

Aaron: [Standard Greeting.]

No Sports Please: Are you a sports station now?
A: No...
NSP: You're broadcasting sports.
A: Occasionally we do broadcast local sports games.
NSP: But you can get sports anywhere.
A: Uh, I guess so.
NSP: I want to listen to [policitical talk radio program].
A: Well, it appears we're broadcasting a game.
NSP: Why?
A: I don't know.
NSP: Why don't you know?
A: Because I don't make the programming decisions.
NSP: Well, you should.
A: Ha! Ok, well you talk to the people at the top about that.
NSP: No, it's true.

(click.)

Most Fruitless Call Ever

Aaron: [Standard greeting.]
I Do Know: Hi.
A: [Standard greeting.]
IDN: Did I win?
A: Are you tring to reach the studio?
IDN: I was trying to win the contest.
A: Ok, then you need to call the studio line.
IDN: Ok.
A: Do you have the number?
IDN: Yes.
A: Ok.
IDN: ...
A: So you have that number?
IDN: Yes.
A: Ok... bye.

Click.

IF YOU HAVE THE NUMBER FOR THE STUDIO WHY ARE YOU CALLING THIS LINE?

Sick

Memo (I Wish I Could Write) to All Employees:

Don't walk around work without your shoes on. That's fucking disgusting.


- Aaron

Quiet

This prizewinner had several things working against her:
1) she was one of those that, despite the fact the station she won with is always called by it's call letters, adds vowels and stretches it into a word. Which is stupid and confusing.
2) she was unclear exactly where she was.
3) when I address her to see what she's arrived for, she does not respond with her business with the station.

Aaron: So go ahead and fill out both of these sheets and then the highlighted sections on this page.
(starts filling out paperwork)
Chipper McPrizewinner: (after filling out first page) Do I have to fill out this page?
A: Yes.
C McP: And this page?
A: Yes.
C McP: Well you're not with it this morning are you?
A: ... It's... early... I guess.
C McP: No it's not.
A: Mmmmhmmm.
C McP: It's quiet in here.
A: ...
C McP: Oh no! You're going to know how old I am.
A: ...
C McP: It's quiet in here.
A: ...
C McP: Ok, there we go I think that's everything.
A: Can you fill out this section here?
C McP: There we go.
A: Thanks.
C McP: It's quiet in here.
A: There's actually a radio playing right there behind you.
C McP: Yeah, I can't hear that. It's too quiet in here. I'm used to lots of noise. I can't hear that.
A: Alright thanks for coming in!
C McP: (starts to go, comes back) When can I win again?
A: 30 days.
C McP: Alright, see you then.
A: (heavy sigh) Yep.

Sympathy Pains

I had assumed I (well, the both of us really) would have been included in the mass email proclaiming the loss of Nicole and I. I must have assumed wrong. The sympathies are starting to pour in, not to mention the outrage at the injustice as well as the utter confusion as to how/why the people upstairs came to this decision, but I have received no such email.

It begins...

-Aaron

Dead Men Tell No Tales

So Nicole and I received notice that our final day at the front desk will December 31st, 2009. We were told at the beginning of the week but the official email is being sent out today, Friday. Specifically "late" Friday.

I can't say I'm especially worked up about the whole thing. Answering phones, refilling creamers, and buzzing doors is not something to which one gets especially attached. But most of the people were pretty cool. Most. Anyway. Being unemployed is no big deal. I've done it before and considering the recession and everything no employer really frowns on the fact you've been cashing Unemployment Checks. What I am NOT looking forward to is the frowns and the sympathy and the "what on earth will you do's" that I know I will get from every single employee who passes through this lobby from now until the end of the year.

In perhaps the greatest status shift since I arrived at this job, the person responsible for the decision will not look me in the eye. Coward.

You May Have Already Won

In case you've ever wondered what happens when you win a prize at a radio station allow me to pull back the curtain on this elusive mystery and enlighten you with the thrilling details.


You will recieve a phone call from Promotions, probably from an intern or an employee who only works a few hours a week, informing you that you won. They will tell you to come down to the station so you can pick up your prize and fill out a little bit of paperwork (picture ID required).

And now allow me to answer your questions before you ask them.

No, if you didn't receive a phone call or an email, I'm sorry but you didn't win. Surprisingly, Promotions doesn't spend a lot of time contacting to tell them they lost a contest.

No, we don't need all that paperwork. We just like watching you fill it out. Are you kidding me? Besides, it's only 2 pages!?! Basically you're signing a contract that says you're receiving the prize and you're now responsible for it. Oh, and that you won't sue us. That and a W-9 for tax purposes.

No, we're not going to make you pay taxes on a prize. The government is going to make you pay taxes on a prize. And only if you win $600 worth of prizes in the course of a year. So you'd have to win $50 in prizes per month to be forced to pay taxes. Most prizes are DVD's or a pair of concert tickets and you're only allowed to win once every 30 days with any given station so it's pretty tough to do. Don't get me wrong people still do it. It's just that you have to really try to win $600 worth of prizes in the course of a year.

Yes, we really need your social security number. It's for the IRS paperwork you're filling out right now.

Quote of the Day

A listener calls to voice their dissatisfaction regarding the new program lineup.

"I'm trying to think of a more eloquent way to say this... but I can't. You guys are trippin'."

-Aaron

EMS on All the Streets

Aaron: [Standard Greeting]
Doc: Yes.
A: [Standard Greeting]
Doc: This is Dr. Schaffer.
A: (very long pause) Ok.
Doc: And I have detected EMS on... well all the streets. In Seattle.
A: All right... I'm afraid I don't know what EMS is.
Doc: Well, I'd be willing to come on TV and explain it.
A: Well, you called a radio station.
Doc: Huh?
A: Only radio stations are located in this building not TV.
Doc: No TV?
A: No.
(long pause)
Doc: Do you have their number?
A: No.
Doc: You don't have their number?
A: No.
(long pause)
Doc: Ok. Sorry to bother you.

(Click.)

The only thing that I could think of that EMS might stand for was Emergency Medical Services, as in ambulances, which if ambulances are on the streets doesn't seem like a big deal or bad thing unless they're transporting people who are sick or injured. But even then those people are getting medical care. But the Doc's tone was one you might use if the zombie apocalypse was starting outside. On a whim I looked up EMS and the only medical things I could find were Electrical Muscle Stimulation (a method of training to complement traditional training), Equine Metabolic Sundrome (which affects horses), and Eosinophili-myalgia (an incurable and sometimes fatal flu-like neurological condition).

Hopefully he's a crackpot and it wasn't that last one.